April 7th, 2001

Hey everyone, I found my ranting hat, so I'm about to go on another of my diatribes.

Well, how are things in your part of town? Mine's been okay, I'm thinking about changing my major to oceanography, because all my grades are at C level... Ok, so that was an uncalled for pun, but actually, I'm also thinking of becoming an astronaut, because the professor told me that I just take up space. Ok, that one was worse, sorry about that, I just have this strange urge to punish people with my bad puns. They've been getting worse lately, these urges. At least I got rid of the urge to run around screaming "WATCH OUT YOU STARRY MALCHICKS OR I'LL TOLCHOCK YOUSE IN THE LITSO REAL HORRORSHOW." That was an annoying one that one...

Anyway, back to my unfortunately titled "so-called life" where that dapper lead, SMiH, has gotten himself in another of his nutty quandaries again! Oh dear! Yep, this time he's run himself up a creek without a paddle. He's between a rock and a hard place. He's about to fall out of the frying pan into the fire. He's screwed. Bugger out of luck. Diving into an empty swimming pool. Going for a dive with cement shoes. Hunting the Southern California beaver. Eating mexican food at 3 in the morning. Scratching his ass while picking his nose. Well, you get the point. That's just how things are on "SMiH's Place." Coming soon to Thursday nights at 8 on the WB, because who else would run a show all about SMiH?

Doesn't everyone want to be on TV? I mean really, everyone has envisioned their life like a sitcom at least once in their life, haven't they? I mean, there are just times in your life where you're waiting for the laugh track to cut in, or the story just miraculously comes together near the end of the half hour, or it's left to be finished next season as you go into repeats. Think about it, there's all the elements of a situational comedy everywhere you look. I mean, here at college, we've got the solid one liner people, the nutty neighbors that drop in at odd moments with their catchphrases and wacky behavior, the bitchy ones who complain about the food "ohh, it's too greasy here, they don't make it properly, not at all like home," and even the guest stars you love to hate. We could make millions in advertising just watching ourselves.

While I'm still ranting, let me take a moment to remind everyone that the "get SMiH a woman" campaign is still in full force. Send all single females to my email address, and don't be stingy, there's no girl to good for SMiH. And tell them to hurry, because the marriage proposals seem to be coming faster than I expected.

Speaking of marriage proposals, who decided that Computer Science majors needed to be well versed in the black arts of calculus? When's the last time ANY non-math major has needed to take the double integral of a sphere? That's right, only four, and three of them are inner city schoolteachers. Us big computer science people have no need of this petty calculus, just give us the standard C library and we're happy as clams. Happy as clams in Puget Sound mud no less.

Anyhoo, it's been fun, so before I go, I'd like to pour a little of this malt liquor into the concrete, in remembrence of all the brothers who couldn't be here at this juncture.

This is SMiH(Green Acres is the place for me) signing off.