February 12th, 2001

Ok, sorry this rant is late, I was out skiing sunday, and I fell asleep before I could write this one.

Skiing is a grand pastime. I mean, what's to not like about hurtling down the side of a mountain with nothing but your wits, two silly strips of fiberglass, and maybe sissy sticks? Truly exhilirating. Coming to the top of a hill, looking down at the near vertical drop of a black diamond, considering it for a second, and pushing off into the void.

A few seconds later, you stop rolling at the bottom of the hill, with your skiis stuck halfway up, and your poles impaled in some poor kid who probably has more skill at five than you ever will have in your life. It's not much better on a snowboard. Usually on a snowboard, you don't roll down the hills, you slide (usually face first, unless you're lucky). I'd like to find the person who invented skiing, go back in time, and shoot him just before he invents it. Really, who would have the idea to strap two sticks to your feet and hurl yourself over cliffs to dodge trees, rocks, and other mountainside phenomenon?

I prefer the idea of skipping the skis/snowboard altogether. Since it's predetermined that you will fall, I say you just take the ski lift to the top of the mountain, and then roll down the ski slope.

Falling isn't even the painful part of skiing. The painful part is waiting in line for the lifts at the bottom of the slopes. All the idiots and teenagers are down there, trying to "look cool" or "skiz-illed" so invariably, they crash into people, cut lines, and act generally like the total brainless clods I already knew them to be before I came to the slopes. The most annoying thing was when I was standing in line, and some random little squirt would come and snowboard/ski onto the back of my skis. I'd ask them politely ("Get the F*CK off of my skis"), but they'd just leer at me or just plain ignore me.

So now I'm back at school, with my legs stiffer than Bob Dole's facial expressions, and I feel great. I mean, when's the last time you got to go down the side of a mountain on your chin?

This is SMiH(I've got a goatee full of snow!) signing off.