February 9th, 2001

I am such a geek.

Really, most of you are nodding your heads right about now, mouse fingers itching, not really bearing to read the contents of this most heavenly of rants. You're thinking to yourself "Aww, crap, SMiH is gonna go off on how much his life sucks, and how it's awful that his geekyness keeps him from ever becoming a tv-anchorman like Tom Brokaw." But I'm not. I was just fooling you with that intro. I'm really gonna rant about stuff that has nothing to do with geekhood.

This subject, is of course, the fact that I'm a geek, and there's no getting around that fact. I mean, it's hard to complain about, I get to know more about computers than the average joe, or maybe that it's because being a geek is supremely just better than being a jock or a goth. Let me elaborate.

Geeks are better than jocks for one main reason. This is, of course, is that geeks, on average, usually make more than a jock in the long run. Sure, some jocks break into professional sports, but that's a rare occurrence. Geeks just get those sweet jobs where they get lots of vacation, stock options, relaxed dress code, company whores, and usually a high speed internet connection(obviously this is for when the company whores can't show up). So lets see here, the score, normal joes: 0, geeks: 1.

Geeks are better than goths for a quite a few reasons. The main reason, is (and I apologize to all you goths that may be reading this, I mean it in the best possible way) that goths are freaky. They have this whole mystique of being all vampirish and stuff. Now, stop me if I'm wrong here, but aren't vampires supposed to be DEAD? What's so cool about putting white geisha makeup on, drinking v8 and vodka, and dancing with scantily clad women in hot, stuffy, smoke filled clubs. Ok, so there's not much a downside to that, but you don't have to wear white facepaint if you're a geek, so I'll still count it as a win. Normal joes: .5, geeks 1.5

Lets see, what are some other groups I can compare geeks to here with impunity...

Okay, lets compare geeks and Greeks. If you want to be a geek, you can live anywhere in the world you want. Even Paris! or possibly Montreal! If you want to be greek, you have to live in this funny place, where the alphabet is different, and the people all smell funny. I am of course talking about New York. Isn't that in europe somewhere? Normal Joes: log(8), geeks 2^ln(e^2)

Ok, since I've proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that geeks are the best kind of people to be, I'd like to take a moment to tell you how it is you go about being a geek. First of all, you must purchase a computer, and know what all the parts are. You don't necessarily need to know the correct names of the insides, just sound like you do. Now, once you've done that, find some instant messaging software that is unaffiliated with the paying AOL service, take out several email adresses, preferebly ones with witty names like "Isawyourmom@yourhouselastnight.com" or "techgod@mypants.net."

Ok, now that you all know what's up with being geeks, I'd like to see everyone out giving some sweet sweet loving to their computers tomorrow.

This is SMiH(Geek Pride!) signing off.