Hello everyone, my name is SailorMercury is Hot, and I'm here to talk about a major problem that occurs in today's public universities. This occurence has wreaked havoc with many a poor student. Many people mistakenly blame beer, or even the hard stuff (You know what I mean. Yeah that's right... rock candy.) but any college student knows who the real antagonist is in our world.

This cursed thing, nay, affliction is of course called dating.

Dating is dangerous, it's a proven fact. I was talking just last week to someone from another suite, and talk of course turned to that terrible subject. "Oh yeah, I've heard about this dating stuff." My friend (from here on referred to as Joe) said, "Yeah, last week we lost another one to the big D. Poor sod. Bob didn't even see it coming. Some girl blindsided him, came out of nowhere. She got him with that old line 'You've got nice eyes.' Damn shame, damn shame."

Another common occurence is the sadomasochist. These poor souls actually go out and look the demon in the eyes so to speak. It must be the same people who have the bulls chase them in Barcelona, or have barracudas eat fish from their mouths, or who go down to compton with preppy clothes on and hundred dollar bills hanging out of their pockets. These people truly are either insane, or just dumb, but such a terrible fate awaits them, that I cannot help but feel some compassion for them. My other friend and I (we shall call her "Danae") were talking about such banal things as fluffy bunnies and storks, when Danae suddenly turns to me and says "Did you hear about Grigor? He went out and got himself a date." "Christ" I swore. "Yeah, he gave some girl a flower, I don't think there's much chance for him. Last time I saw them, they were holding hands and looking dreamily into the other's eyes."

This fourty dollar a weekend (or more) habit is truly the foremost terror facing us these days. We must gird our loins and resist the temptation. Our parents are always talking about how much less they had to deal with in school, well, they're actually right on this one. Back in their time, they had this thing called CHAPERONES! The danger was almost non-existant when they were in college, and heck, a good deal of our parents didn't even go to college.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a friend upstairs who wants me to check to see if her lips really do taste like cherry chapstick.